Nov 23, 2007

~ Counting Down ~

Missed posting last week...sorry. This week has been yet another crazy one. I don't know that I'll ever begin a posting with...."Wow, so I sat around all week wondering what I was going to do with my time." It's just not really in my nature.

It's the count down to the big trip, and as expected the pressure is on to get a lot accomplished before taking off to paradise.

I've got work deadlines that have to be met, church activities to put on, a house to clean up....eternal lists to make for all those that are taking care of the monkeys...and regular life in between.


I've tried many times in the last couple weeks to think of my regular witty and distasteful comments...but I think I'm burned out. A week in Mexico should rev me up again.

Not to brag or anything...but here is where we're going.


Nov 9, 2007

~ Catch-up ~

So first a little catching up....

Halloween -

We had a fun...and relatively warm Halloween. Lots of fun with friends and lots and lots of candy.

It's Friday already....where did the time go. I've had a busy week recuperating from last week...and getting ready for a great craft night last night. A record 11 girls were here, which is the limit for my kitchen. We painted, laughed, sprayed and glued. Lots of fun. No more crafts for a while...time to catch up on life, projects and work. I know I've been busy and the house has been neglected when Tyler says..."Mom how come the house is so someone coming over tonight?"

1. We had green beans for dinner the other night. Jessica Seinfeld's cookbook hasn't arrived yet, so there aren't any pureed veggies in my children's food yet. Just the old fashioned kind...sitting in the bowl waiting for someone to let down their defenses and take a bite. Brian and I love green beans...nice and simple. However our children predictably won't go near them. Maybe it's the color...if they were blue would that seem more appealing to them. I'm dishing Owen's plate and he's looking around the table telling me what he wants.... Yes mom I want salad....chicken and some rice. But I don't want the these weeds.

2. I dejunked a cupboard this week. Sounds like a small thing to report, but for me... it was big. I knew there was not a lot of room in that cupboard because of what was probably shoved behind and taking up the space. Everything we use regularly is at the front...stacked up and waiting to fall out at the first hint of the door opening. So now I have this big tote of retired items. Plastic containers with no apparent lids....a rice cooker that burns the rice....a mix master that I over heated.... So it's out of my cupboard and now sitting in the living room waiting for Brian to take to the 'As Is' section of the recycle depot. Maybe we should wear name tags that say "As Is". I'm not changing, accommodating or shifting myself in anyway for you....take me As Is. Husbands however do not get to wear those name tags. There name tag will say "Created". I am what my mother tried to mold...and my wife looked at the model and said....mmmmmm....close but no.

3. Programmable Thermostats are one of the greatest inventions ever. I tend to have a bit of chilly house....due to my previous mention of getting hot. (definition in previous post) So I've set it up according to my warmth preference. I know there are other people that live here...but whatever. So the heat turns on at 6...about 20 minutes before Brian gets up.....does some stuff during the day...then cools off at 11. I too have a programmable thermostat. Kinda follows the same schedule too....starts to warm up around 7...stays generally chilly all day and cools off around 11. My husband would like to reprogram me off course. Turns on around 6 and goes from dead to savoury hot within 2 minutes. Stays chilly all day anticipating the time when the occupants return at which time the temperature slowly rises through out evening to reach maximum around 11...then cools off for a comfortable night sleep. I'd like a say on his thermostat settings as well.

4. I tried my first Pomegranate this week. Not what I was expecting. I've seen them before, but have never been very inclined to buy one. But I'm trying to get more fruit and vegetables in my life. So I bought one...not one I cut it open and see all the tangy little juicy pods inside. Looks okay.....pop a couple in.......ahhh...yuck...seeds. So disappointed. It's like when you buy grapes and thought they were the seedless kind only to discover....nope. So now I've been let down by this fruit. I had high hopes of adding it to my repertoire of enjoyment. I've seen Martha juice them.....funny how I can only mention her by first name and you all knew who I was talking we're all going on girls night with her regularly. So no Pomegranates for me....what will be the new fruit next week.

5. I was standing in line at Michaels today...patiently waiting for my turn to return some items. And this girl behind me is whistling. Now I appreciate a good whistle...but this was not. She was maybe 13... I don't know what she was trying to do...but the shrill sound haphazardly coming from her lips was not whistling. So I'm trying to be friendly and all...but she keeps doing it. Not continuously mind you...she blows out a terrible noise a couple times...then stops. Just waiting long enough for me to relax my jaw from the intense pressure it is under to keep myself in control...and then she starts again. Seriously I was restraining myself from turning around and saying....."Do you have to do that? Cause it is seriously annoying and it's all I can do not to smack you".

6. I was also in Rona today (can you tell I was running errands in the city) and I'm waiting in line again....why did I go to the city on a Saturday?? Oh right...cause I could leave the kids home with Brian. So this nice gentleman in front of me is buying some stuff...and he's wanting to purchase a new electric saw of some kind. So he asks the girl if there is a plug behind the counter so he can turn it on and make sure it works. A little odd....but okay. So he goes back there and plugs it in...revs it up a couple times...looks it over...then decides to buy it. First of all, if something is going to malfunction I don't think it will happen in the 4 1/2 seconds that he was back there testing it out. I think we should be able to test out a lot of things right in the store before purchasing...exercise equipment for one. Take those weights out...pump it up a little in the aisle and then think..."Am I really going to use these...or will I sit on the couch and look at them on the floor and ya....don't think so". Next juicers. I personally don't have one, they look pretty cool though. We should rip it right out of the box, head over to the produce section and see just how many oranges it's going to take for one full glass. I think there would be a decline in juicer sales. And finally....intimate apparel. Now most of you reading are the same religion as me, and intimate apparel is a no brainer. But I like to jazz it up a little, so I have extra stuff for special occasions....or regular occasions, whatever. However there should be a line of intimates put out by one very practical wife, with warning labels red bold lettering,

Will cause husband to drop whatever he's doing, and attack without warning.

However there are some benefits to these items and those could be advertised as well.

Will encourage husband to wash kitchen floor and
vacuum living room regularly.

Will encourage husband to bath four children,
read them stories and promptly put them to bed.

Will encourage husband to offer foot or back massages.
(However that never works they always are trying to massage in areas that I'm pretty sure do not get stiff or tired, contrary to his arguments)

Will cause husband to momentarily consider washing toilets, but then bargain to sweep out garage, change a week of poopy diapers and fold laundry.

Maybe the benefits out weigh the hazards.

7. Brian is currently in our family room taking a new amp out of the box. I don't really understand the purpose of an "Amp"...but he's pretty excited about it. It's interesting that he's commented before that I don't have to put "stuff" up on every wall of our home. That maybe a wall can be blank. I reminded him that he's not in charge of the decorating at our house. It's homey....but he doesn't know what that means. So I'm not supposed to put stuff on every wall...but he's allowed to put speakers up all over this room. Now those of you that have been in my family room know that it is not an overly large room. Big enough, but not a theatre by any means. We now have 6 speakers in this area, never named the ones that are actually on the TV itself. He enjoys movies and likes to watch them in surround sound. This situation has backfired on me a couple times as I'm watching a movie with him and jump out of my skin when the "I see dead people" jump out and I think they're behind me. Well at least now we can hear "I ain't exactly lactating you know" in mega sound. That is my favorite line of both of those movies. Or you know...the Backyardigans theme...aka...makes me want to end my life quickly song....blasted in perfect clarity.

8. My Mr. Jack is a happy guy. I always thought all those mothers that said they had babies that were happy and content were nuts-o-rama. But he's happy all the times. I appreciate those people that are always happy and bubbly. It's a little irritating...but I'm happy they're positive about life. There are only a few people in my life that I've know, who always have the perma-grin and are nearly skipping all the time. I have a scowl on my face most of the time, so I'm told. It's my thinking face. I'm not giving you a dirty look, I'm thinking...get over yourself.

9. Last post I mentioned that I was recently told to turn up my filter. I've had quite a few comments suggesting that I made this up. It's really happened. It was done in the nicest way of nice as anyone can say....close your mouth you're offending people. Whatever. So I think there should be filters on a lot of things. Take the pulpit for an example. I think the bishopbric should use the up/down switch on the pulpit more. Speaker starting to drone on and on...or starting to get off topic very badly...the pulpit slowly starts getting lower and lower. Three year old up there yelling into the microphone and we can't understand a single thing....pulpit gets higher and higher. I've also decided that I should be the one to hold the pulpit remote control = )

10. For those speakers that find it necessary to ignore the clock....a small electric current. Your time is up....zap....sit down. This would also work for those organists that are playing the song way too slow. Just a little jolt from the organ bench. Or you know how people come up behind you and push the back of you knee in so you fall a little. "So we will now be moving on....he apparently bonked his head a little when he fell...and is slightly unconscious...but we'll finishing on time today."

Nov 3, 2007

~ Breathe in.....breath out ~

It's the end of a crazy busy week. Last weekend was the Ward Halloween Party which I put the food on, and then the Primary Presentation. So I was burning my candle at both ends...I was also sick. In fact I went to the Halloween party in pajamas and slippers and said I was dressed up as "Sick and Tired". They all thought that was funny....I did not.

1. I started a craft club....mostly for myself. I like cute stuff...and to give away cute stuff. So I made up an excuse to be crafty. Of course it may also be my need to seriously cram my life full of so much stuff that nothing ever really gets finished.'s who I am...why fight it. It's been fun being creative this week. I actually taped a Martha Stewart show to get some ideas. Martha Stewart irritates me....shocking I's her voice I think. She was making candles out of gourdes. Who came up with the name Gourd. It must be a Latin word translated that actually means "Squash with lepracy".

2. We were Trick 'r Treating on Wednesday...along with the rest of Western Civilization. I saw this couple dressed to the nines, with their 6 months old baby. Really?'re taking the 6 months old trick or treating? It was obviously their first child, you're always so gung ho with the first. You're only going to eat organic, you'll never have a soother, you'll never take a bottle to bed, you'll read at 3 months and do calculus at 9 months. Whereas the last child...the milk is in the fridge is you want some, here is a tooth figure it out.

3. The Honeymoon after four children is coming in 28 days...but I'm not counting down or anything. I've decided the thing I'm looking forward to the most is doing nothing with Brian. We never get to do nothing together. One of us may be doing nothing, but the other one will have all the's rare for us to be simultaneously doing nothing. This time we're going to do nothing on the beach.....that's the best place to do nothing.

4. This girl at Michael's yesterday had a stud in her nose and then two on each side of her lower lip. I'm looking at her and thinking "huh?". She was a pretty girl and wasn't Goth or least not while working at the craft wonderland. But what the heck...the nose stud was fine, but why put two more on your bottom lip. Doesn't that feel like you've got a full zit all the time. I don't understand multiple piercings anyway....what is it supposed to say? I can take a lot of pain....I'm cool cause I have holes in me....your grocery list will be on my ear with a magnet if you're looking for it. I don't get it.

5. Is the style right now for boys to wear tight jeans? Like tight to the ankle jeans. I saw these two yesterday that were not only wearing matching outfits ( I thought only girls did that) but their jeans were bright red and tight. I noticed that only the skinny leg boys were wearing don't see the linebacker in ankle tight jeans...however that is something I'd like to see. "Ya so I got up to the line of scrimmage and I'm looking at this guy like I'm doing to pull his brains from his eye sockets and....blah blah smack talk blah bla...." But no one hears him cause their looking at his tight red jeans buddy....what the heck?

6. There are some interesting children's names out there these days. S has a girl in her class named London and I've heard others like Ireland, Coco, Apple...k those were all in People Magazine while waiting at the dentist. Do people look at their brand new beautiful baby and think "I would like you to be beat up everyday of your learning your name is now Winnipeg" Like really...I'm all for unique and nontraditional...but weird is a whole other thing. Here are my suggestions...cause everyone always wants to hear my opinion... Warsaw, Acapulco, Arkansas, Nunavut....if you're going to do it....go all the way.

7. Have you seen the new Viagra commercials...the guys speaking their own language. Someone pitched this idea....thought it was good...hired actors (Hey mom I got a gig finally...I'm the new spokesman for Viagra....Oh son I'm so proud...I've waited for this day...) practised this whole thing....paid for it....pitched it to TV people. Everyone said "yes that's great" (shaking my head confused...huh?)

8. I like Grey's Anatomy. I watch it...I PVR it. I want to be Christina when I grow up. How come I can't talk like that to people and they smile and walk away. No one every smiles when I say what I want...they walk away right to the Bishop's office and tell on me. My bishopbric councellor told me this week that I might consider turning up my filter. You know the filter I have in my head where I don't actually say everything that I'm thinking. I told him I do have a filter..he was surprised (he'd really be surprised if my filter wasn't on....hey...maybe I could get released...hmmmmm) He suggested maybe I could turn up my filter...oh fine....but if that kid spits at me one more time I'm gonna spank him.

9. I have four people in my life that I don't have to turn the filter on for. They know me..they "get" me. You always need friends like that. You don't have to put on the face, the act or the role. Just be my bitter, sarcastic, judgemental self. Don't get me wrong I'm happy....I'm happily bitter. I'm not bitter about my life...just about people who do ridiculous things that I wish I could cuff them and say "what is wrong with you" Parents don't like it when you do that to the Primary children....just FYI. Thanks D,K, J and guys are my bitter babes.

10. I get hot really easily. And before your mind wonders too much...I mean overly warm...not "Hey Brian come home early".... = ) I go barefoot most of the time because I get too hot. I can't have my hair on my neck when it's warm out. My housecoat is too hot. I finally found what I've been looking for yesterday. A housecoat with no collar in T-shirt material. Oh happy day..... I could make one but I don't have time. There's nothing witty about this point...just reporting that I've checked another item off my eternal list. Find a new housecoat - check.

11. Speaking of my eternal list;

Clean the house = (
Finish laundry = (
Fold laundry and put away = ( = (
Find new housecoat - check!
Find new he can stay this week
Plural marriage - maybe that will be the problem solver - you can clean, wash and cook....I get the rest - oh and I'm bossy and easily irritated, deal with it.

Grocery shop - man these kids eat a lot - our budget would be so much better if food was not such a constant draw on the resources.
Teach Owen to wash toilets - just a thought.
Teach Jack to wash floors - I'm going to put rags on his knees - might as well be useful while you're speed crawling everywhere.
Eat more of the kids candy - double check!

Run - next week I'm not quite over my cold
Christmas gifts - half done
Lose 10 more pounds before Mexico - um ya, that's not happening
Ask Brian to get ripped before Mexico - I'll put a sticky note in his lunch box.