~ Why is that?! ~

Confident, Capable, Independent, Talented, Out-going, Friendly, Busy, Goal Oriented, Successful, Smart, Savvy, Entrepreneur, Witty, Humorous, Deep, Knowledgeable, Loving, Empathetic.

Do you think of a man or a woman?

Probably went back and forth. Or you started thinking of specific people in your life that represent these qualities.

Lately I've been wondering....why is it that we're taught to be strong confident women, but we don't appreciate it in each other?

What do I mean?

Women Compare, Men Compete.

It's true. Any woman will look at another woman and take something about her and compare it to herself. And really, I bet it is always the other woman's best quality being compared to our worst.

She's thin, I'm not. She's pretty, I'm not. She's confident, I'm a wimp. She's outgoing, I'm shy. No matter how confident and capable the woman, it will always happen. It's the way women are made up. You may disagree. But you look at any magazine, they digitally enhance and air brush these women to look perfect. And what's the result? A society of girls obsessed with their appearance because they don't all look like the impossibly perfect model.

Older women do it in a less obvious way. We still look at the magazine representation of society, or the body obsessed celebrity and think that we're coming up short. We just don't tend to play it out in our regular lives like a youth may. But do we look at those around us and do the same thing. Or more realistically, we see the women around us and conclude everything that they are accomplishing directly illuminate all that we are failing.

We judge them by what we see first. Or assume that they are this or that because of what we perceive them to be. That's unfair and really, and impossible way to measure a person.

What if we're not an instant judge. You get to know someone, find out what makes them tick, what qualities they possess. Are we happy for them and their success, or begrudge.

I have a cousin J who taught me a valuable lesson years ago. She is a person who is genuinely happy for others and their success in life. I thought I was the same type of person. I was happy for others. But she takes it to an admirable level. She really celebrates people's accomplishments with them. I have tried to take on this quality. It's difficult at times. Often what someone has acquired or accomplished is what we would like. Many of my friends have new houses, I would like the same. It took a little while to not look at their new houses and wish I had it. But to look at their houses and be happy for them, and accept what is mine.

Are we intimidated by another? What is it about another and their personality or appearance that causes us to look at ourselves and deem unworthy? Does another conclude our own self worth. We don't teach our children this. We teach them to be their own self, to see themselves as valuable regardless of what others or society. Yet as adults we look at another and see less or more.

Snob has recently been brought to my attention. I've looked up what a snob would be: someone who looks on others and sees themselves as superior. I think there is a vast difference between being a person that does this, and being a person that people think does this. Who's to say what is in a person mind. What is the dialogue that runs in a psyche. Only the one can say. To conclude that a single word describes a persons entire existence, short sighted.

Capable and Confident is not Arrogant and Superior. Why are some always so eager to break one down when they are at their strongest.

So you ask, are the descriptions at the start what I consider myself. Yes. What is your instant thought. Confident and Capable, or Arrogant and Superior? May I reiterate. Self esteem is not based on what others think of us, but what we think of ourselves. Will you let the thoughts, pre-judgements and assumptions of others determine your self worth?

I won't.