~ Dear S & J ~

The doll is really LaSenza Lotion - Strawberry Scent.

Now girls. I don't think this is an issue worth arguing over. You know, the issue where Steph is a winner and Joanne is a loser. I mean, this isn't surprising. We all predicted that Joanne would be the loser. But since she is immensely hurt over the realization that her loser status is now broadcast across the nation, nay...the world....well then I must step in to save your relationship. I wouldn't want in-fighting in your small town. I don't want to find Steph's discarded body at the Packing Plant, all in the name of Lotion.

I knew that my mediation assistance would be needed when I received the frantic call last night with Joanne in tears.

"Why?!! Why have you forsaken me?:

She sobs to me.

"Why didn't you rig your contest so I would finally win something in my life. I go through my every day with tears streaming. I know I'm a loser, and I can't get past it."

I soothingly tried to explain that this contest was really about me. It was my shameless way of getting people to like me. But no, Joanne had to make it all about her and how much of a loser she is.

So fine, I will graciously step aside, let the spotlight fall on you. Pick a scent my dear cousin, I will mail it with your Nemo package. Because Andrea also knows what a loser you are and has lovingly sacrificed her winnings for you. Laid down her winner status to make your loser status less stabbing. Yes, even bowed down and kissed your supreme loser feet.

Dear Joanne, please wipe away your tears and see the sunshine in the everyday. I know the sun is reflecting off of monstrous mountains of snow, but then it is only the brighter. Blinding in fact...which only illuminates your now Glorious Loser Winner Status.

You're a Winner Joanne, and don't let anyone else tell you different.