Jun 28, 2008

~ Urgent Neurology ~

That's the name of the clinic that I will be visiting on Monday.

I don't think that's a very nice name for it though....I've been thinking, and here are the suggestions I will be giving them while I await their expertise.

Head Shrinkers Anonymous

Got a Tumor?! Come on Down.

Strokes 'r' Us

MRI's - come and get one.

Maybe with lights and balloons....

Jun 25, 2008

~ Old Friend ~

Where have I been? That's what the emails are saying. Where are you, why haven't you been writing....are you dead?

Not yet, maybe next week.

I've been in my bed, or sitting in my backyard. Why?

Well it would seem that what I previously thought was my bad luck for having migraines may be something else. I'm scheduled for an MRI, there might be something in there, or not....we'll see. I've given them my blood, they've done a PAP ( that doesn't have anything to do with the head thing, but I wasn't expecting it when I went to the doctor....one of those "since you're here") and they even weighed me (crap) and told me I'm a bit shorter than I thought (great, shrinking already) And now we wait. It's been a week, I was told they were putting in my claim for a head scan as urgent, it's been a week. Would hate to see how long I'd have to wait if I wasn't considered urgent. In the time it's taking I could have put a lamp up to my head and looked into the mirror to see if anything showed up.

So why the sudden need for medical attention?
Well, the symptoms are all the time now, the dizziness being a primary one. And the "awareness" of my left side, and there is the numbing of my limbs and tongue, likely not a good things. I have all the symptoms of a stroke, but I've also been to the stroke specialist before....nothing came of it.

What's causing all this fun and excitement? Well that's the big question. Maybe it's stress, and I'm therefore completely cutting back my company...like to nothing....I've already started, people are proud of my progress. Maybe I have extra fluid on my brain, I am an over achiever, so that's a possibility as well....can't have the regular amount of fluid, need to outdo those around me. Might just be migraines......there are a number of possibilities....some scarier than others. But no use worrying about the unknown, so we'll wait and see. My doctor checked off all the little boxes on the blood test sheet, except the one that I usually give blood for....pregnancy....that's a good thing, that box need not be checked again.

So we wait...for a week now. I call the office, they assure me that we're still waiting...cause I forgot what I was calling for apparently.

I do nothing lately....or at least I do nothing from my perspective. Which might be an altered perspective, not just cause of the messed up head thing, but because I'm accustom to always being out of control busy. My friend K says that I don't know how to have free time. It's possible. I try to accomplish 1-2 things a day now, it's driving me crazy, I'm dealing with it. I've also been reading, a lot. Some worth mentioning, others not.

So while we wait for the head shrinker to look me over, other things have happened.

My brother got married last weekend, we're very excited. He was dashing, she was beautiful...very nice, I'm very happy for them both.

My other brother moved home from China. He was also dashing at the wedding, he didn't have anyone beautiful with him, he's working on that issue.

T finished Lacrosse. Fun while it lasted, but this house has gone to pot with us being gone every single weekend. The fans are also tired of hearing us scream and yell and coach from the fan box. Yes, we're "Those" parents.

J added some more words to his repetoire. All good children have Diego as one of their key words. We've also added No, Go and Puppy. Juice, cheese and mom were always favorites, now we have teeth, bum, eyes and ears....he can say them all but doesn't always keep them straight when pointing them out. This provides lots of hillarity to his siblings, you can imagine why.

B had some stress filled days at work as the parent company of his business went bankrupt. We should be fine, don't send food yet.

Doug kissed me, I've waited a long time, it finally happened. Don't get worked up, you have to know the history of this. My husband is safe and still #1.

A new sushi place opened in my town. I love sushi, I haven't had a chance to try it out yet....with the whole bed thing being my top activity of the day....will get there.

Dentist tomorrow, that should be exciting. Also had Accupuncture this week, she also said there is something wrong with my head....but people have been telling me this for years.

Okay, I think I'm finally getting tired. The problem with this new low key lifestyle is I'm not all that tired at bed time. I've rested and napped all day, this is nothing new, it's just dark now.


Jun 3, 2008

~ Priorities ~

Dear Erica...this is for you, sorry it's been so long.

1. Priorities, first of all I have to think for a second how to spell that word. It's not one that flows out of my head phonetically or conceptually. I'm having a crash course in priorities this week. It's time I cut back on work...it's too much, I'm losing my mind, my house is a mess and I could snap at any second...most likely the second coming up. So it's time to look at my hectic life and see what's causing me to be the scary mommy. It's work, too much work. It has taken me a few weeks to simply make the decision to make the decision. Does that make sense? I'm not one that makes decisions easily. I can be spontaneous...but I usually over think it later. I know, you're stitting there thinking...huh??! So, the moral of the story is...I'm trying to figure out where my priorities lie.

2. My son wants a dog. My son has wanted a dog since he could say dog. So he's just turned 11 and has had his paper route for six months. In that time he has divided his money up between tithing, savings and spending money. He has not spent any of the spending money. He's saved it...what for?....a dog. He's saved quite a lot and it's getting to the point that I'm going to have to wrestle his father to the ground (which he will enjoy) and beat some sense into him ( also enjoy) and then really make him see that this child really does need a dog. Even if it's only long enough to see that a dog may not be a good idea, he has to have the chance. Stay tuned, we may soon be dog owners.

3. Who thought it would be a dandy idea for women's cycles to start cyncing (sp?) together when they spend time together? I know I've talked about this before, because it perplexes me so....like what the heck, I don't get it.

4. Where do all the matching socks go? Really. Two go into the laundry, one....or none....come out. Sometimes they are under the bed, understandable. Sometimes they are left in the dryer, also acceptable....but where are all the rest. I have a old laundry basket full of onesies....where have all the socks gone?

5. Taxi Mom....I'm becoming one. It's happened slowly over the 11 years of motherhood, but lately it has hit full force. Between sports, and church and errands and life and running away.....I seem to be constantly in my van. My friend D told me once that my van is my 72 hour kit. There's water, blankets and food in there....what more do you need.

6. Why does this zit I am growing have to be so hurty? That's a real word at our house. I don't break out often, but I'm stressed...and I'm getting one of those zits that starts out slow and grows and grows. You can't squeeze anything out of it, cause it's still growing. You have to wait until the timer dings before you can get up close to the mirror and make some progress. When you see me, please don't stare at the lovely thing I'm beginning to grow.

7. Mommy. This word implies thoughts of love and joy. (ya right) It was very cute when my little one changed 'Mom' to 'Mommy'. I had a little moment of sadness that he was old enough to say the whole word. That there are no more babies at our house, that he's getting big. That all came to an end about the 56 kabillionth time he said it in one day. It's his new favorite word...he says it constantly. I don't know who he's talking to, cause his mommy checked out a long time ago.

8. B brought home a WiiFit. So I'm supposed to do this everyday and it measures everything from how much is in my savings account to how many times I've clenched my teeth. It does this body imaging thing where basically it weighs you and let you know that....shocker...you've gained weight since the last time. So it wants to know why you think you've gained weight, and you're actually supposed to pick one. This has obviously been created by a man. Options are things like...ate too much, ate late last night, wearing heavy clothes....stupid stuff like that. I'm standing on this thing and looking for the answer I want.....having my period and don't fit into anything I own, retaining water that I drank last week, eating everything I can lay my hands on, stressed out from being alive, haven't slept well in 11 years.....interestingly, none of those options were given.

9. My summer just opened up. What does that mean? Well if you read point #1, I'm trying to cut back my business. This hasn't actually happened yet, but it's in the process. I got a call today and have lost one of my biggest clients. No one to blame, I knew this would come eventually. She wants me to work in office, I can't give her that. I've been doing their books for 2 years...but I knew this would come. I'm a little on edge over this, it was out of my control.....I like control. But, my summer just opened up. I need to spend time with my children, quality time, without any technology time.....my summer just opened up.

10. Cutting back my company is going to make a slight dent on my disposable income....I like disposible income. It's mine and I dispose of it as I want....which is generally done in clothing stores and at Costco. Costco is like heaven....there is a crap load of stuff there that I need. Every week I go and find lots of things that I definately NEED. I'm going there tomorrow, I know I'll come home with something I didn't know I needed, until I was looking at it at Costco.