Jesus doesn't have Webkinz

Easter vacation is nearing an end and we have had one heck of a week.  With 6 of 7 children here...it's been crazy.  Our usual loud,  messy,  and endless meal prep...plus add in weird weather,  family extravaganza's,  birthday parties and the Easter Bunny...well, I'm ready for a nap.

Children provide the best comic relief,  and in anticipation of an Easter Week post,  I kept track of some gems.

In no particular order...

My niece,  Miss B is a delightful girl,  who comes up with some serious one liners.  She's her father child for sure.  The title of this post is one of hers.  I over heard this line from her mother,  in response to B which I didn't hear.  I can't quite imagine what the conversation would be that "Jesus doesn't have webkinz" is the answer.

More B'isms

We're driving own MacLeod trail heading to S bday event...and B see's the Wal-Mart sign. 

B "Why is is WAL,  why not WALL?  I think is should be WALL coffin MART"

Us..."Coffin?   You mean hyphen?"

B "Oh ya,  hyphen".

While having fun at the Clayground,  see SIL blog for the pics,  B's chatting as she paints.  At some point its deemed necessary for her to explain that she has a girl accent.  

Silly girl, you are so cute.

Our family,  mostly the kids and C,  like to play Charades.  I don't find this particularly fun,  mostly because I'm not a fan of going out of my way to make a fool of myself.  No extra effort is required,  I can accomplish this without any effort at all.

We have TJ staying with us in order to get quality time with S.  They don't get enough time together,  and desperately miss each other.  New for TJ is a house full of boys...we have a lot of boys in this family.  So we start our usual game of Charades.  Slips of paper are handed out,  everyone submits 3.  In a house full of boys there is a lot of  " so and so smells like...." We have our own action for "smells like".  TJ found out very quickly that this is not a serious game,  nor one that requires a lot of thought for your submission. 

Actual items requiring a charade.

Easter bunny poop
I saw a flying pig
I'm a fairy princess
K sucks at Rugby
Picachu the Pokemon

Therefore when her submission was "Immune System" she warranted some teasing from all.  She was good about it though.  Love that girl.

Mr J is always good for funny stuff.  He's 4 and began talking later than the rest.  When you have O as your older brother,  there is no real need for speaking...it's done for you.  However,  he has some great stuff to say.

From the living room on various occasions I hear.

"I don't want to fall this instant"
"Am I a foot-pecker or a bird?"  (I can't even imagine what the context of this conversation is.

CC was sitting outside reading,  trying to find some peace and quiet,  as this house has a significant noise difference when the lovelies are here.  So she's trying to escape the pandemonium and has Mr J open the screen door to have a discussion with her,  a serious one.

J - "CC,  were you kidding when you said you were going to sleep out here?|
CC - "Yes J,  I was kidding"
J - "C,  kidding is like lying"...give her a look of "so think about that" and then the two finger peace sign.  Slides the door closed and walks away.  Come back,  opens the door and give a small explanation.

J - "That means peace sucka"


The boys are colouring at the island,  and there's one felt missing.

Mom - "J,  where is the pink felt,  you had them downstairs,  did you leave one down there?"

J - "I was throwing them in the air and the lids came off and one got on me.  That how the felt got on my shirt.  They were flipping all over and behind me, and they fell and rolled and that when the leprechauns got them.  Cause leprechauns make messes and steal stuff,  really...my teacher told me"

I just wanted to know if  felt was left downstairs,  something tells me he has a guilty conscious.


O,  always a character.  He's a skinny dude, not an ounce of fat on the boy.  We often have the problem that he wants to eat right before bed.  I don't like this habit and try to encourage him to eat enough at dinner.  Granted he has a nuclear metabolism.  This was the conversation.

Mom - "O,  did you eat enough dinner so you don't tell me you're starving at bed time?  Is your tummy full"

O - thinks about that for a minutes..."there's just enough room for a cookie".

Of course there is.

Teenage boy language is different than,  you know,  real people language.  You cannot have a conversation of any kind without the following four words Incorporated.

Epic
Seriously
Fail
Pro

If you combine these they have maximum impact.  Epic Fail,  Seriously Pro.  However,  you need to have them in proper use.

Epic is good...epic fail...bad.  Pro can be used on it's own...'That's pro",  which is a positive response to...I don't know what,  something.  I think it's sort of like saying something is cool.  But who knows.

Rules if you are male, and of teen age.

Never walk past the kitchen without swiping at least 3 cookies.
Graze for food constantly.
Bound down the stairs,  walking calmly is forbidden
Speak 50 decibels louder than necessary at all times.
Drink gallons of milk per day
Ride your bike thru every mud puddle possible.
Either shower incessantly,  or not enough,  there is no middle ground.
Always ball up your clothes when discarded.
If a shorter child is being annoying,  get rid of them by pushing their head,  their body will follow.
Always use a clean cup,  using the same cup twice is not allowed,  and never put it in the dishwasher.

Now don't get the idea that we don't enjoy our boys...they rock.

Hope you had a fun Easter!

Long long ago, in a galaxy far far away...

Remember when I was funny?

Careful how you answer that question....the suggested response is "you still are, don't fret buttercup".  

Well,  we both know that the blog has been lacking lately,  and though you've all been somewhat loyal fans,  which I can only assume,  because I don't know if you come here or not...and if you do,  you don't comment so maybe I'm just venting into the depths of mountain air freshness and construction frenzy.

Anyway,  in reading the postings of a new blogger,  who I don't know,  but followed from the blog of another blogger who's blog I enjoy, and return to his blog to read his blogging...(breath) I concluded that it's been a bit boring of late.  True,  the life has also been a bit boring of late.  So I dedicate myself to returning to make fun of the human race,  pointing out obvious flaws in how everyone except me runs their life,  shaking my head with a one eye brow raise at people's wardrobe choices, and generally enjoying how screwed up society is.

Round of applause,  The Divine M is cheering  (I just know it)

So let's start with Mr Sheen.  (my mother just went,...."who?")  Mr. Husband is a fan of the show that made this man ubber rich (refer to yesterdays post about the ubbers), and since I am a fan of Mr. Husband,  I too have sat and so/so enjoyed said show.  Whatever,  it's fine...not Community by any means,  but acceptable.  The show seems to be a tamed down version of his actual life,  less the under age companions of questionable character,  with paid for "enhancements",  paid for "injections" and paid for "stimulants"...of which Mr Sheen paid for,  since he's an ubber.  It's not like the dude is 20 and still discovering life and all it's deceptions.  He's not 25 and finding himself among the sea of college co-eds...the dude is like 50!  Get your crap together,  you're supposed to be a grown up.  I did enjoy his recent support of Bipolar awareness,  in his extensive walk to raise funds...the walk was from his hotel to the studio.  Like across the street,  ooohhh aahhhh,  look at the social awareness!

Job seekers,  or as I like to call them...penniless beggars.  I'm one of them recently,  so don't start composing your comments in all caps.  The job market has improved somewhat,  but the competition is fierce as the seagulls at Peter's.  So if you are finding it difficult to find a new position,  of course you should beg for a job on Kijiji or Craigslist.  This is sure to provide a prospective employer the motivation to call you right up and offer you cash.  Furthermore,  make sure and describe your robust body type of TV watching results,  your extensive experience in fast food joints,  and that you have several snot nose brats who are,  at this moment,  eating Cheetos and watching Sponge Bob.  FOR SURE,  this will have them frothing at the mouth, begging for your resume.  Oh but wait,  one final detail that will nail it...mention that you're not going to make May rent.  That's the clincher.  I can't make this stuff up,  I read this for reals.  (okay,  we both know that I can totally make this stuff up,  but for reals I didn't)

O-isms.  As you know,  Mr O is a funny dude.  He comes up with some surprising comments that make you think..."who's kid are you?  oh wait,  ha ha,  I know".  So the other morning he comes in at the break of dawn to announce that he has to pee.  I'm pretty sure that we've been over this multiple times,  we do not live in Communism,  you can pee if you want...right in the bathroom even.  He and his younger staulkier counter part J will stand at the side of my sleeping form,  doing the pee pee dance until I grogg out in a sleepy, eyes still closed voice..."Go pee".  This seems to be the empowering words that send them both into a wild race to the bathroom,  where they sound like a fire hose drenching the flaming shell of your house.  I don't know how so much can be stored into such small beings.

O is sufficiently emptied which then means that his mouth is revved up.  Again,  not sure where this particular DNA characteristic originates,  ancestors and covered wagons to be sure.  I love the morning snuggle with the children,  don't get me wrong.  But if there's any sort of 5 or 6...even 7 on weekends,  at the beginning of the clock display...pu-lease!   Yes O you may get in my bed,  no O we are not discussing world peace quite yet...but sure,  you can bring your DS,  with the sound off,  and play until I'm ready to be conscious.  On this occasion he concluded that he wanted to play a game on my phone,  fine...it's right there,  rock it out.  He knows how to work the Blackberry...he's 7,  Grandpa just figured out texting...he's 60...just sayin.

From the mouth of my blonde,  43 pound man of fury....to no one in-particular as all present were still hoping he was a bad dream at 6:30 am...."I'm a beast at this game".

J-ism.  Mr Husband concocts various fruity drinks for the children.  He likes to impress them with his skills...if you've met J,  he's not easily impressed and if he is,  there's no way he's changing his facial expression to show that.  Serious,  this 4 yr old is a serious one.  Mr Husband makes him an impressive display of orange juice,  tonic water fizziness and grenadine.  Orange and red layers in a fizzy display of yummy.  J has decided this is acceptable,  with a general glance at Mr. Husband.  He has his bendy straw,  like all real men...and is starting the one sip to empty your glass.  Mr Husband has a PhD in teasing.  "Hey,  that looks good,  can I have some?"  to which J,  without even expelling the straw from his mouth,  no unbending the bendiness says...."If you get your own".

J - 1 point

Mr. Husband - nada

That's all you can handle for today,  I know.  Overwhelming return to wittiness and flava (pronounced flAva) is too much for any entertainment seeking soul.

But in our next episode...

Children descend for a fun filled week of eating,  mess making,  slamming each other up against the stairway walls.

Parents quadruple their food budget for 8 days of joy.

20 something student wonders why she ever decided that this was a good place to live,  even if the top bunk of the toddler bed is supa comfy.

...and Saskatchewan residents return for corralling children for picture taking,  releasing the hounds of visiting marathons and dunking the kid.

Ciao

...and another thing...

Though my resume says I like people,  I'm pretty sure I don't.

One of the jobs I interviewed for yesterday,  which I just found out I didn't get...so now I can talk about them...is a company that does wealth management for the ubber rich.  Now,  I'm pretty sure I know nothing whatsoever about being ubber rich.  It seems however, that there is such a need for this that an entire business has been set up.  In their explanation of their company they said that they have focused a lot of their attention on teaching the children of the ubber's to manage the wealth they are going to inherit.  Now,  I love my parents to bits,  but I'm confident that wealth and inheritance have never been a part of any serious conversation....but a part of many "in fairyland with unicorns land" conversations.  There was also a part of the interview were they spoke about the need for the utmost confidentiality  (which it seems I've already broken with this post,  but since they didn't choose me...nana booboo).  Their clients are the rich,  famous,  in the news,  on TV,  in the papers and all that jazz  (with the jazz hands).  Well ladee da.  But again,  I didn't get this job so I won't be advising spoiled clueless rich kids how to manage their ubberness....nor meeting hoity toities.  Oh well.

Next,  in my daily review of job postings in search of the "you complete me" position...there are a lot of weird people out there,  and even more wierdness in the posters of positions.  I scan the obvious sites...(who decided that Monster was a good name for a job site?) but I also look on the less obvious,  and free listings,  which also tends to be the shake your head and wonder what people are thinking and why they post stuff at 3 am listings.

Cases in point...

Looking for a personal assistant to help with running errands, light cleaning and shopping. Hoping to find someone who is attractive,fun, flirty and open minded enough to accompany me on short trips for shopping or just weekend get a ways.
Reply if interested
Thanks

Huh? Isn't that what a girlfriend is for?  My name is not Pretty Woman.

EX-CONS needed for new TV show. If you are an ex-con man or woman and have a business idea but no money to make it happen, you may be perfect for our new TV show.  Feel free to post this ad on your Facebook page. 

You have no money,  as an Ex-Con,  but you have internet access for your FB page?

looking for females between the age of 18-24 for a short adult film. actual filming time is between 10-15minutes. makeup artist will be on set for hair and makeup.
if interested please send a photo and your expected pay.

final work will be posted on a paid membership based website 

Well then,  good to know the options are open.  Why are capital letters against your religion?
  
Dauck Sa Rang Inc. dba Dauck Sa Rang & Cafe in Calgary

 Huh?

 Hire Charlie Sheen's Intern Hopeful To Run Your Social Networking

Not a good opening line...

High end dessert wholesaler looking for a Self Employed individual experienced in the food service industry to compete in the alberta Market with a proven track record line of Desserts.
you need Freezer space and Delivery Truck. 

Mmmmm,  dessert distributor...

Anesthesiologist THIS IS A PROPOSED POSITION AND AVAILABILITY OF POSITIONS WILL BE CONTINGENT UPON CONTRACT AWARD. LOCATION OF PERFORMANCE WILL BE IN IRAQ. 

 First of all,  why is he yelling?  and second....do you want an Anesthesiologist that was recruited off Craigs List?!

I'm going to apply...seems as though you don't REALLY need to have any qualifications...just SAY you're an anesthesiologist.

Stay tuned.

One extreme to the other...

May I never repeat a day like yesterday.

So...I lost my job a while ago...and it's been my new job to find a job.  This has proven harder than I was expecting.  There are a lot of jobs I'm qualified for,  also a lot of competition.  Plus this opportunity (if that's what you call it) has given me a chance to change my career path a bit.  It's also been very difficult..blah blah,  moving on.

Yesterday I have two interviews set up.  Great, I've had a few interviews,  none have panned out to a position I want, and a few times I've been scheduled for an interview and then get a call the morning of saying that they've decided I'm over qualified.  WHAT?!  Then why did you call me in the first place?  Did my resume change since the first time you read it?  Seriously,  this has happened more than once.

Anyway,  my morning is planned out,  I need to leave the house around 11 for a few errands,  have lunch with my husband...then head to the first interview at 1:00.  Great,  no problem...hunky dunky.  So I'm putting the two addresses into the GPS that husband has left on the kitchen counter for me.  Get my phone and look up the calendar to get the addresses.  Phone says first interview is at 11,  not 1:00.  This might have been fine,  except it's 10:15...and I live in Cochrane,  and I have wet hair still.  Panic.  I call the lady and leave a message..."My brain says 1:00,  but my phone says 11:00.  Can you please call me back and confirm the time".  She does,  it's 11.  Crapola!

So she's flexible and says I can come for 11:30,  no problem,  these things happen.  Still,  not the best first impression.  Fortunately I had already phone interviewed with them and they had narrowed the field down to the 3,  and I was in the group.  So she still wants to talk with me.  Mega fast hair drying and straightening,  and shoot out the door.

Handy GPS says I'll get there in time.  Okay breathe.

Driving along Deerfoot,  no problemo...didn't have the sound on the GPS going.  I don't turn it on until I'm getting close,  I don't need her to tell me to keep driving on Deerfoot.  So I turn it on,  and find out I'm missing the turn,  cause the sun was shining on the screen and I didn't see that it was coming up right away.  Crapola...okay,  recalculating,  5 min is added to the time...still okay.  Heart rate slows,  breathe again.

Interview was fine.  Meet hubby for lunch,  have some time to kill.  Run to the mall to get my newest niece a "congrats on being born" gift.  Head to second interview.

As mentioned,  I had already programmed both addresses into the GPS,  so I turn it on...and get startled by the voice coming from the GPS.  Hubby who thinks he's so funny has changed it from the nice soothing lady that tells me when to turn....is now Dr. Nightmare (no joke,  that's what the name is)

This isn't our GPS,  but you get the idea.  He also laughs,  and when you decide to go a different direction than the GPS is suggesting,  he says..."Let me check my magic book".

Get to second interview.  I have some time,  good thing because I go into the wrong building first.  Whatever,  I figure it out.  Interview goes well.

Head downtown to sell some Rob Zombie tickets that C won,  we're not really Rob Zombie and Slayer people...but hey,  some people are and if you list them on Kijiji,  you get cash for something that was free.  Much needed since I'm unemployed.

Stop at H&R Block on the way home to pick up our taxes,  yuck...I hate taxes.  Wallet it gone.

Unbelievable.  This day has already had enough stress....and now MY WALLET IS GONE!?!!?   I have never lost or had my wallet stolen.  I can't take our taxes,  being that I have no cards and I should keep the concert ticket cash as now it's all I have to live on it seems.  This day should be done,  I cannot handle the extremes of it anymore.

Head home,  check the car a bazillion more times...no idea where it is.  Must have dropped it because I bought the gift for my niece,  then went to interview then home.  I've called all those places....nope.

It's unnerving to think that someone might have something as personal as my wallet.  All my ID,  credit cards, bank cards,  birth certificates,  new pack of stamps (grumble).  It's easy to cancel cards and have them re-issued...a bit expensive to get new driver's license and birth certificates,  but all possible.  But to have something gone that I've had for nearly 20 years, (I think if you can say anything "for 20 years"...you're getting old,  just sayin) the same wallet for that long....I don't like that.  

I'm hoping that a nice person picked it up and will look at my DL and mail to me.  I've done that before,  doesn't karma owe me one?  UGHGHGHGHG.

So,  goodbye day.  Thanks for the good interviews,  I hope to hear from them soon....no thanks for the stress,  for the invasion of my privacy and for the toasted sub for lunch that scraped the top of my mouth!

Puzzling...

I was sleeping the other night,  and then not.  It was too hot,  why was it hot at 1am,  I don't like it hot when I'm sleeping.  I like a crisp cool room with me warm and snuggly.  I remember thinking....why would it be hot, the heat should have turned down.  Then at 3 Mr. J wandered in looking for a snuggle,  and again....why is it so hot up here.  So I snuggle in a boys size bunk bed with a boy size boy...wondering if someone touched the heat earlier.  Mr J fell asleep,  I went back to the mom size bed.  Mr. J wandered in again,  so I set him up on my floor and went to check the heat.   Go downstairs,  it's freezing.  What?!?  Did a window get opened?  Check the windows...nope,  nope.  Turn around and here is our front door,  at 3 am,  wide open.  WHAT THE HECK!?!?!  Heat is on constantly trying to warm the main level,  which is quite literally trying to heat the outside,  and not in a mom yelling from the kitchen for a kid to close the door way.  Really, we were trying to heat the outside.  

Then I get a little panicky.  We live in a safe neighborhood...have an RCMP dude that lives next door.   Okay,  focus.  It's snowy,  (grumble grumble)  are there any footprints on the front step that would indicate someone has been in our house?  No,  none.  Are all the children's shoes still there...maybe one has escaped in the night.  6 children's shoes accounted for.  Do we have 6 children here?!  Check the kids rooms, and beds....yes.  Only one missing,  but he was supposed to be missing....the the 6 we brought are still here.

Weird.  Of course, once we are no longer trying to heat the outside,  the heat in the house evens out.  C was already awake with the J man wandering in so many times. 

"The front door was completely open!"

"WHAT?!  What do you mean?"  (not sure how I could have said that any more clear)

"The front door,  wide open...it was freezing downstairs and that's why its so hot up here,  the heat has been going constantly since 11pm."

The only thing we can figure,  is I went to pick up CC and must not have pulled the door closed all the way.  She had opened a window upstairs a bit,  and that must have altered the air pressure in the house and pulled the front door open a bit more.  

Regardless,  wide open front door in the middle of the night,  likely not the safest venture,  and not friendly to the heat bill either.

Sheesh.

So...

So...I haven't felt like talking.  Pick yourself up off the floor.  It's been months since I've been on here,  that's a record, and pretty indicative of me at the moment.  This moment has lasted a while though,  which is depressing.  I've created a couple drafts to post,  and none have made it past the drawing board.  I re-read them and they're not worth hitting Publish Post.  Certainly not the usual witty banter and ridiculousness that you usually read here.  Granted there hasn't been much wittiness and ridiculousness to witness and report.

Ever wonder why there wasn't a manual for your life provided.  I like a plan,  an objective, a goal.  I always have a path charted in my head,  with alternative paths drawn,  points of interested mapped and the bullet points of the process thought out.  I don't like being taken off guard.  I'd like to order my manual,  think they have it listed on Amazon or something?

And what the chunky chicken is up with the weather!?!?!  That's not helping anyone's state of mind!

Okay,  deep breath...moving on.

Have you been watching Community!?  Oh my tuna it's great.  We've only just discovered it,  so we're catching up on Netflix...but wow.  Abed is my favorite,  right up there with Sheldon from TBBT. 

That's it for today...I will make a better effort to get on here.  C says it's good for my mental health, I think it might be encouraging the questionable side of my mental health,  but that's what you're all here for anyway.  

Don't deny it,  I know!