Waffling on whether to keep blogging. I enjoy blogging. I find it fun and therapeutic. I think out loud...shocking I know, none of you figured that at all. But it's hard to have such a roller coaster of comments and emotions associated with this blog. If I post about my life, I'm flaunting. If I don't, I'm hiding. Seems that I get hit no matter what. I'm here to tell you blog land, I'm tired of being hit.
Two weeks ago, I was done. Done with feeling life my life was judged by a blog. I've had a year of feeling not wanted...having that continue in the comments on a blog, it's stupid...quite frankly.
But here's the thing. I don't blog for you. I blog for me. As I said, it's therapeutic. I'm a venter. To deal with my life, happy or sad, I vent. I talk stuff out, purge it from my brain...and move on. Well, I don't always move on, but I feel better and can continue on.
So, read or don't read. Comment or don't. I blog for me.
And since I blog for me, I've also made this blog public. Going private was a security issue before. I needed a safer place to vent. That was the feeling at the time.
Love me hate me, accept me, reject. I blog for me.
Moving on.
What does your safe place look like? The safe place you go in your head, when life gets tough?
This was a conversation I had recently. I was going through a rough time. While talking through that, and finding the real reasons for my struggles, rather than the surface reasons...I was asked what my safe place looks like. I didn't have an answer. I had never considered this place to have a physical appearance. But it does. I discovered I know exactly what this place looks like, what it does for me, when I retreat there. I also discovered that I never really leave my safe place. I let the walls down, but never all the way. I rarely let anyone into my safe place, I might let you get near it, and talk to me...but never inside. Recently I have allowed certain people in that place. It takes a lot of trust to let someone in your safety zone.
Why do I never leave my safe place? I am not a person who will allow people to hurt me. Not saying it never happens...it happens a lot. But when I do get hurt, my walls get thicker and I put myself in a place where that won't happen again. I set myself up to avoid that situation. Not necessarily the right way to go about life, I know.
Anyway, think about it. What does your safe place look like?
I wish I had the self-awareness that you possess, and the ability to express it the way you do. I think it's very freeing to understand yourself, and how you think, even if you don't think it's ideal or 'normal' (whatever that means). I'm glad you took your blog public, and I'm glad you are still going to blog. You have a lot to offer and who wants to give up free blog therapy?
ReplyDeleteI think my safe place is similar to yours. My walls are so thick I am scared to see what would happen if they came down.
ReplyDeleteThanks for putting into words what I have always thought but never knew how acknowledge.
My car is my safe place. I know it sounds weird but ever since I got my licence and my own car it meant that I never had to depend on someone for a ride, I could always leave a situation if it got scary, and I could go anywhere and do anything I wanted. I can turn up the music and sing along to myself and inside my car I am safe and cut off from the rest of the world.
ReplyDeletehmmmm.... waffles...
ReplyDeleteI think blogging is by far much cheaper than seeing a therapist so I say keep blogging. If it clears your brain then we shouldn't be telling you where your "safe" place should be. It's not up to anyone else. I like my car too. I like to turn my music up super loud...for some reason the loudness clears out my head. I think I have a couple of safe places, though. Am I allowed more than one??
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post. Please keep blogging! I feel the same way as Launey. My safe place is Summerland, B.C. where we vacation every year. I feel more myself there-more connected. I love to go for a jog in the morning before it gets too hot and just live in the moment.
ReplyDeleteI think I SHOULD have thicker walls but my life is pretty much an open book. I like when people feel safe enough with me that they feel like their life can be that open too. At least with me.