There have been some that have decided I'm no longer quite myself, based on my recent life decisions....so just to show that in fact I am me, none other....the ever popular and widely adored ( or irritating) TOP 10 LIST.
Now, some are not a fan of me at the moment. I dare you not to crack a smile....double dog dare, if I may.
1. Recent trip to Mexico was fantabulous. Sun, surf, beach...food. Nothing can be better. On said trip I had the opportunity to rappel into a ravine...hole...area of greenery. I don't know what it's called...but there was falling off the side of embankment, hanging from a rope and having a jazz hands good time. THEN, there was zip lining across the jungle. Now this is a very enjoyable experience that one and all should put on their "to be accomplished the next time I come across a jungle in Canada". The one draw back would be the cinching. They cinch you pretty tight in the nether regions in order to let you fly across the jungle with the greatest of ease. Nothing says fun like a wedgy while flying across like you're Jane of the Jungle.
2. There was a sign posted on the beach
"Be Aware of 70 yr+ men in Banana Hammocks"
okay, there wasn't....but there should have been....cause they walk around like everyone can hear the "Bom Chicka wah wah"....uh no, ewwwww. Gag.
3. Twilight was offered as a source of entertainment on the flight down. This was a mistake of the Transat Holiday people. I'm sorry all, but I fall into the category of those that loved the books, hated the movie. Sorry, way over acting and brooding looks only lulled me to unconsciousness.
4. The entire flight...there and back...was freezing. Not sure if they were trying to climatize me to the air conditioning awaiting me in paradise, or to the 40 degree temperature difference coming home. But seriously....I had to ask for a blanket. And then snuggle up to the guy beside me....who, may I mention I did not know...but surely did by the end of the flight. Might have been me in his lap sucking the life sustaining warmth that did the trick.
5. It amazes me that people take small children to Mexico. Many of the people on my flight going down were also on the same one coming home. One particular couple had taken their 18 month and 4 month old. Now I don't actually know the ages of these children...but I have had a few children of my own and am guessing....educated guessing. Anyway. 5 hour flight each way. Child sitting in your lap. Well, I'm sure the child was supposed to sit in someones lap...that was likely the option chosen when the flight was booked to avoid the charges for another seat. But in fact the child did very little sitting at all. I felt sorry for the lad...no one wants to sit for that long...especially when Twilight is being shown. It's a crime against nature.
6. When at Mexican resorts there are often nights when the local vendors come and set up their wares. Then lie to you all night so you'll buy their crap. "Oh, the pretty lady...needs a necklace for your beauty and grace"....okay, I'm not sure this is what they said, it was all in Spanish...but they smiled at me when I looked their way. However at one point there were guys dressed as Mayan warriors....which interestingly involved a lot of feathers, getting in touch with their feminine side I guess. So they want to have me pose with them to take a picture that they're going to post in the lobby later and require the cord blood of your first born if you'd like a copy. So fine, its usually easier to just pose for the guys then to try to avoid them in broken Spanish. I get all posey and do my thing. Meanwhile...one particular warrior is slowly working his hand around my back and toward my....um.....girl parts. Don't know if he thought that Canadians don't actual feel the skin they wear, but he certainly had a good hold on me by the end. Keep your feathers to yourself Mister.
7. I had been told the last time I ventured to Mexico that the locals can tell Canadians from Americans....Canadians are friendlier. This was the theory. I don't take sides...just passing on the FYI. So fine...I'm a friendly Canadian. However, this was not my theory at all. I think you know who the Canadians are for two reasons. The mayonnaise white skin or the tomato red burned skin. You can pick them out like marshmallows in a stack of Oreos. Four, three, two, one.....these people never see the sun.
8. Canadians also seem to lose rational thought when vacationing in Tropical countries. First of all, they forget that sunscreen was made for a purpose. And next, they try to fly home in their shorts and sandals. Cause they're going to fool the customs guy into thinking that they're actually people who always reside in paradise and are just visiting Canada. Forgot to pack some warm clothes, don't have any, you see....cause my address is 10 Sunshiny Place. So they walk around the Calgary airport, all tanned and flip floppy...and think they're fooling people. No can do lady, you're totally Calgarian...so take off those shorts and get your thermal gear on. Gotta get home to the record snowfall.
9. But alas, the tan is starting to fade. Could sit out and try to revive the life into it...but I don't know that the color of frost bite matches my current complexion. Plus I'd have to put the bikini back on...that's right, I wore it....to line up the tan lines. Cause there is nothing more un-cool than a modge podge of different tan lines going on.
10. Okay have to mention Spinaker. If you're on a boat on the ocean between Cancun and the Island of Women (that's what the literal translation is....let the drool fly boys)...then you have the delightful opportunity to do many fun activities. Spinker would be one. So get out the big boat sail....roll up a towel and attach it to the sail with rope and duct tape (all duct taping safety standards were strictly adhered to). Then jump into the choppy ocean, cause it was a little windy that day...place your bottom end into the towel/duct tape swing....and let her rip. This provides a high flying time of being hoisted out of the ocean as the sails fill with the delicious humid (but makes me have crazy hair) air of the tropics. So high in fact that you're looking down at the boat that you've resided on all day. Then the lovely men of the boat pull the sails down and lower you closer to the water where you're supposed to jump off all poised and athletic and gracefully swim back to the end of the boat where they lovingly help you out of the crystal clear ocean. OR...if you're me, you get dumped back into the ocean rather unceremoniously where you then half drown half die as you fight against the waves and current of the said crystal clear ocean. Chocking and gagging on yucky salt water....and NO ONE helps you back onto the boat cause you're the last one on the Spinaker and they're too busy getting ready to head back to shore. So you use every last ounce of strength not to be buried at sea......but hey, got to fly on the towel/duct tape swing over the ocean. FUN!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment