~ Insomnia ~

So it's late...again...and I'm still awake...again. This has been, and continues to be a stressful busy week. There's a lot happening...a lot I'm in charge of, and so of course I can't sleep because I over think everything and lay awake at night making lists in my head, and as a result of the lack of sleep, I'm also getting sick.

It's after midnight and I'm up. I can't stand to lay awake restless...so in an effort to completely exhaust myself...I'm hitting the blogging a little early. Doesn't help that I can literally feel myself getting sicker as I type...but I can't take anything to 'help' me sleep, because they baby sometimes wakes up in the night. So, I'll get sicker and maybe the Primary Presentation will run itself on Sunday....here's hoping.

You may be disappointed by this weeks blog...I'm not at my usual level of bitterness, sarcasm and general rolling my eyes at life....sorry.

1. The trip that Brian and I are taking is getting closer. We've received a brochure from the company organizing it with the daily events that we can choose from for tours. One of them had snorkeling and such. Cool...not a lot of snorkeling here on the prairies. So we're signed up to do that. Snorkeling makes me nervous though. Never done it before but I always think that if you're in the water and marine life is available, which apparently happens a lot in the water...that the shark is going to get you. So I'm 12 and laying in the water at Sylvan Lake at that huge girls camp that Sis. Kapp came too...remember that old ladies...anyway, laying in the water waiting to take my first attempt ever at water skiing. You know how you lay there with the skis on...trying to keep your balance in the water and all I can hear in my head is....dum dum........dum dum......the Jaws theme. First of all we're in Sylvan Lake...not too many shark attacks have been reported there in recent years, but hey I was 12. Second of all there are like 4000 girls screaming and jumping in the water, but I know that shark is coming for me.

2. Back to the snorkeling...so the other part that makes me nervous is the actual fish. I don't like things jumping out at me. Granted fish don't do a lot of jumping under water...but you don't always know when one is gone take the opportunity to test your adrenaline level. I get enough of that at home....nothing like cooking something hot and Mr. Handy Man comes up behind me and positions his hands just so....apparently I need a little more 'support' if you get my drift. He got to wipe the spaghetti sauce off the wall as I practised my well rehearsed Kung Foo moves on him.

3. I was thinking the other day of some of the items I used to think were to die for. Leg warmers for example....I had ones with threads of silver in them. I was pretty hot. I'm not sure when they went from Flash Dance to 'wear them over your jeans in Junior High'. I took it that extra step...I'm an overachiever always have been. I'd wear two or three pair socks that alternated whatever minute color I had represented in my shirt and then the leg warmers on top of that. Proved for some pretty tight Keds. But I was somethin' to look at in those Junior High halls...with the banana clip and the Mickey Mouse Timex....watch out.

4. Next the scrunchie. I've always had long hair...except for an unfortunate incident in high school. Now the purpose of the scrunchie was not to actually hold your hair in the pony tail. You couldn't actually wind it tight enough for that. You had elastics under the scrunchie and then wound more things around your hair to accessorize. I have always had very thick hair. So not only were there about 4 elastics to hold my ponytail in place, there was also the scrunchie. And very likely I had put my hair up wet in the morning, and at night when I took it out, it was still wet in the entombed part under the elastics. I, of course, generally matchie matchied the alternating colors of my socks to the scrunchies. I may have caused some reckless driving accidents as people drove by and temporarily were blinded by the alternating colors that gave them a seizure.

5. Now the neon colors I can appreciate. Nothing says "Hey Boys" like lime green and fuchsia together. Their eyes are involuntarily drawn. So I had my fair share of the neon colors.

6. I was in a grocery store the other day and witnessed my first "Guy trying to become a Girl". Little disturbing. That should be kept on reality TV. Not only was he wearing girls clothes but was also taking the hormone therapy. Mostly he was just a very unpleasant looking girl. I must have caught him mid cycle....he hadn't taken all the drugs yet. He didn't hide that he was trying to be a her. The voice hadn't changed. I'm wondering where the desire to become female comes from....which of the following seems like fun.

a. Monthly Moon Cycles (I've been calling it that lately like I'm woman of the earth or something)

b. Frantic mood swings and homicidal feelings and behavior.

c. Standing in front of the mirror every morning and thinking "Ah Crap...this is gonna take a lot of work"

d. Being able to recognize the millisecond "the look" in your husbands eyes that immediately puts you in a fowl mood and makes you roll your eyes and think " Are you kidding me you -----" (Insert favorite not nice name) This can apply to many many different situations.

e. Having to visit many different kinds of doctors that make you ask the same question every time... " You want to put what....where??!!"

f. The layers....why so many layers. The first layer, the tight/nylons, the slip, the skirt. Nothing ever stays where it should...something is always rolling down when you're trying to tell the Bishop that life is going fine. And even with the cool Shade shirts...it's still so many layers. It can take me 20 full minutes to actually get down to my skin. And then the ever constant question of what is really needing to go into the laundry. This layer didn't actually see the light of day, but it was next to my skin as I was trying to lift the double stroller out of the van while holding the baby on my hip and keeping the 3 year old out of traffic with my leg. Where as this shirt didn't actually get drenched in sweat but has baby snot and something else unidentifiable on it. So many decisions.

Sign me up to be a girl...sounds like a non stop Par--tay.

7. I don't really understand Professional Sports. My husband is a very big fan...yells at the TV like he's being paid to coach the game. None of you believe me since you've never actually heard more than 7 consecutive words out of him in one sitting....he's a maniac, really. So we pay these "athletes" gazillions of dollars to do what? Hit a ball with a stick, throw a ball into the hoop, smash your opponent even if he's nowhere near the actual ball and stand out in a big field hoping the ball will come your way. I would rather pay money to put a mud pit in beside the church and let the Bishop pick who gets to fight. That could be the best "issue solver' anywhere.

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9. I love watching parents in Sacrament meeting finally lose it with their children and drag them out. They have the fake smile on...but that kid is not really moving his feet and his arm is getting longer as his full weight is being permeated into the floor to hold back his seething mother. I have one friend D who is the best at it. She not only is walking 89 km/hour to get that kid our of there, she's marching while she does it. It's all you can do not to say out loud....nice knowin ya. Don't think I'm not included in this...I've marched my children out of there plenty of times. It would be so much nicer if it was like Star Trek and you could just morph out of the meeting. Granted, then no one would actually be in the meeting.

10. I don't think the noodle is being used to its full capacity. You know...that thing kids do when they don't want to do or go somewhere. It's like their bones instantly turn to jello and they gain 150 pounds. It's impossible to get that kid up. I'm going to start using it when I get asked to do something I don't want to. Just do the noodle on the floor. "If you can move me to that room, I will handle the situation..if not, well tough luck for you"

That's it...I'm out. Not up to par this week....maybe next week.